Secret Thoughts

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Too much, I believe. I’m very used to taking things as they are, and seeing things as they’re shown to me. I often see beyond what is shown, and I think I’ve come to take that for granted. I also have just realised a huge truth about myself.

There have been so many times in the past that I’ve worried that I’ve done wrong, that I let myself down by giving up on love and going for the sexual relationships I’ve had. I realized that I often hurt myself by picking to be with men who wanted nothing more than sex from me, and then actually caring for them and doing the complete girly thing by thinking -deep down where I never even admitted it to myself - that maybe I could be the one to change them. Or that maybe the sexual chemistry meant he was “the one”. Then I’d fall into the trap of thinking I was only good for sexual relationships, becasue those were all I was good at.

Three times in my life I’ve actually let myself believe I might’ve found Him. The one. Two of those times, I was the one to walk away. I was the one to let things go because the intensity of what I felt, so soon, scared me. The third time, the last time, he was the one to walk away. When he did, I worried that it was karmic payback for my not having faith in the first two.

Not one of these times was I ever in love. I’ve never let myself go that far. These are just the men that stick in my mind as reminders of times when I COULD HAVE had something, but I didn’t let myself. Tonight I realized why I didn’t actually open myself to them. It seems I am an all or nothing person in this department too.

You see, I’ve been talking with a friend. A friend who is ten years younger than me, but in the exact same place in her life as I was when I walked away from the first guy. And she’s in the same sort of situation with a man right now. I see myself in her, and I see the path I chose so clearly, and I want to tell her to choose the other one.

At the same time as talking to her quite a bit lately, I’ve been debating the whole “get to know him even if there are no butterflies” thing. The fact that I’ve decided to try and back away from the stricly lovers type of relationships I’ve sadly, grown used to, and get to knwo the men I meet in hopes that a relationship will grow. And you know what? I realized that I don’t like to get to know them without those butterflies in my tummy simply because, to me, the risk might not be worth the reward. By that I mean, I’ve realized why I have such a high wall around my heart. Because it is so soft, and so vulnerable.

It’s not worth getting hurt if the payoff isn’t going to be forever. Or if there is a chance the payoff might not be forever.

I’ve realised that I can not open up just a little, because opening up a little still opens me up to hurt. And if I keep things as just sexual, I can protect my heart.

The question is, should I protect my heart at the risk of my self esteem, because I do see that staying in strictly sexaul relationshiips is hurting me too. I’m starting to wonder if I’m capable of more…and that hurts too. So, is it better to opne and be hurt by another, or to know that the hurt you feel is caused by your own actions?

– Sasha White

Hi All!

So S.D is away…and I’m going to play!
LOL

To start off today I’m just going to introduce myself… I’m Sasha White, a friend of S.D’s and a writer. You can see my latest single title book, BOUND, if you scroll down just a little. And if you want somethign to surf around a bit, check out my website at www.sashawhite.net. If you look through the BOOK section you’ll find lots of excerpts to read.

It’s Friday today, so I’m just saying Hi, but I’ll be back with some fun stuff in a couple days!

Have a great weekend!

SD must bid you all adieu…

But, never fear, ’tis only for a short while.

In the meantime, the intellectually stimulating, infinitely talented and delectably sexy Sasha White will be governing my home for the next couple weeks and I have no doubt you’ll enjoy her, I do. And Sasha, my sweet, thank you for not only house sitting for me, but for being a kick ass friend as well. You rock, sweetheart!

Well, I must go, it’s almost time for me to take that walk and I have a million things to do first.

‘Til we meet again…

I want to watch you…

Watch, transfixed, as your fingers brush across the satiny smooth skin of your cock, your palm pressing and your fingers wrapping, one by one, around your rigid length.

Watch, enraptured, as your thumb moves back up to softly skim over the glistening bead of precome at the very tip before moving back down to trace the line of your cock.

Watch, tantalized, as your fingers flex and tighten around the straining flesh, enveloping your cock in a heady grip, your hand beginning to leisurely piston.

Watch, bewitched, as your cock glides agilely against palm and fingers in an intimate dance, your grip tightening with every slippery smooth stroke of palm against cock.

Watch, seduced, as rapture begins to overtake you, soft and sweet, your body tensing and your eyes, brilliantly blue, awash with uninhibited ecstasy.

Watch, unabashedly aroused, as your pleasure hits its crescendo and your come begins to jet out in thick steady streams, covering your hand, your chest, your belly.

I want to watch you.

Decadence.

Author’s Note: Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, I’m not dead, no, my friends, I am, in fact, alive and kicking, well, not literally, kicking that is, but something like that. I still haven’t been able to envoke the flighty spirit that is my muse, but I feel her stirring so it’s only a matter of time before I have her back exactly where I want her, but in the mean time, here’s a little something from the delectably sexy and emphatically talented Sasha White.

“Fans of 9H Weeks will get a delicious thrill from this kinky, titillating tale of dominance and submission, loss of inhibitions and discovery of new experiences. The quirky supporting characters and intriguing casino workplace are the cherry on top of this sinful, decadent delight.”

~ Romantic Times Book Reviews on BOUND

BOUND by Sasha White

When I started writing erotica, it was with short stories. After two years of short story writing I tried novellas, and this past month my very first full length novel, BOUND, was released. YAY! There were definitely times when I wondered if I’d bitten off more than I could chew, but I kept at it. And reading blogs like Salacious Desires kept me motivated.

I’ve recruited SD to write for my eZine, Secret Thoughts, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever told her that her writing reminds me of my own. Because I love her, and her writing, I wanted to share this small piece that I wrote when I was first starting out.

He is coming to give me my birthday present. He enters my place, locks the door behind him and walks to the living room where I am waiting. He doesn’t greet me with hugs or kisses…just the words. “On your knees”.

I drop to my knees and he removes his pants. I start by touching, licking and nibbling around his cock. Then I take it into my mouth and start to suck. He lets me do it my way for a while. His hands stroking my hair softly. Then his fingers tangle in my hair and he starts to thrust into my mouth. Fucking me. Telling me how much he’s missed my mouth, and me. He uses my mouth and pulls out to come on my neck and chest.

Now, comes time for my present. He knows how much I’ve wanted lots of attention, and how patient I’ve been. He blindfolds me, strips me, restrains my hands and begins to tease. Playing with my body, stroking me, pinching my nipples fondling my breasts. He thinks I’ve been a bad girl. The way I love to suck cock deserves punishment so he bends me over and spanks me for being the slut I am. I take it. I’ll take whatever he wants to give.

Because I take it, he teases me some more. He starts to insert things into my pussy as he spanks me. A dildo, and occasionally thrusts it in and out.

Then, spanking over he lays me out and starts to work on me. I am his plaything. Whatever he wants. Plays with my nipples, my pussy, my ass. He reaches for more toys that are nearby and starts to use them on me…vibrating egg on my clit with his cock thrust in and out of my pussy and I come…but it’s not enough for either of us…I’m his. He turns me over again and fucks me from behind…while he’s fucking me he slips a finger into my ass and fucks me with it in time with his cock until we both come.

Then he hugs me and I know I can be me with him…

– Sasha White

Rhapsody.

My glistening lips are engorged with unsated desire
And my ardor, intensely wanton, burns shamelessly
My hands are teasing, spreading, probing, piercing
As my hips unchastely piston against their brazen exploration
And my fingers, soft and wet from my own desire, press deeper
My inner walls unabashedly enshroud them, molding, melting
As my excitement slowly begins to build, tantalizing me
My eyes shutter closed and my mind begins to reel
As rapture leisurely rolls through me, possessing me
And trapped helplessly in a state of euphoric rhapsody
My body shudders exquisitely as pleasure fully envelops me

Copyright 2006 by S. Desires

SD interrupts…

Her own “Leave of Abscense” to bring you a few scrumptious links that were just too salacious to go unmentioned…

You know, SD loves her some fun, kinky and downright salacious toys, but honestly, who wouldn’t? And on occasion, I’ll come across a link to a “sex toy” site that catches my attention. Such is the case with AshleySexToys.com. I spent a bit of time there poking around and thoroughly enjoyed myself in the process.

There is also a blog affiliated with the site that has some deliciously naughty links to all kinds of various salacious material. So go on now, check it out, it’ll be fun, I promise.

I also updated my blogroll the other day and added a couple links that you absolutely must go pay a visit…

Angel Brat (who happens to be one of my fellow reviewers for the lovely folks at SCP)

And

Lone Sloan Delirius (which is an intellectually stimulating erotic experience that I feel you must experience)

In other news, I recently did another review for the sinfully delectable Amy of South Coast Pleasure…

With the hot water from the shower brazenly blending with the moisture emanating from my own body, my fingers slid easily through the soft wet lips of my pussy. It was bliss. I closed my eyes and thinking of my lovers tongue sliding softly over my hot, wet, swollen clit I reached for my Mega-Mite with my other hand and turned it on ( one of the fabulous features of my new friend is the ease at which it can be turned on, one handed is absolutely no problem, so if your other hand is busy, no worries). I ran it over my nipples first, enjoying the strong vibrating sensation against the sensitive flesh there and then down over my belly to my inner thigh before moving it up over my fingers to my clit. Eureka. It was incredible, I came and came again, no discomfort, no having to remove my friend because of over sensitivity, just a mind blowing orgasm followed by another with equal fervor. Yummy.

Read the full review here.

And if fate continues to smile on me, I’ll have the rest of my reviews done before the weekend is out (and I do so look forward to that–Mmm…), so stay tuned.

“Leave of Abscence”

Is what I’m taking, ladies and gents, but never fear, it’s not a permanent thing, it’s a “now” thing. I could come back next month, next week, hell, tomorrow even, I haven’t a clue.

There is no one reason why I’ve decided to go silent for a bit and I’m sure all the nay-sayers of the world will assume that there’s some jaded reason hidden behind all the things I’m “not” saying that’s brought me to this place, but that isn’t the case, not nearly. What is the case, is that my creativity, my imagination and my desire to write have been eluding me as of late and rather than force myself to write something just for the sake of writing, I’ve decided to take a decompression period. A mini-vacation, if you will.

Well, until we meet again, play nice and be wonderful to each other. See you on the flip side.

Friendship, like sunshine enriches the soul…

If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me…

Author Unknown

It’s a rare thing to find a friend with whom I can truly be myself and know in my heart and in my soul, that no matter what facets of myself shine through, I’ll be accepted and loved for who I am without question. But I, through fate or blind luck or some magical cosmic alignment, have found such a friend in You

I love you, my gorgeous Nina, more than I could possibly say and I am honored, thankful and more than a bit humbled to be blessed with your love and your friendship. You truly are one of those rare and precious gems.

And though I realize that I’m a mite late, I hope you know in your heart, that yesterday, on that glorious day of your birth, all my hopes, all my wishes, all my dreams and all of my love were focused on you.

Happy Birthday, baby!

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.
Anäis Nin

Resplendence.

Grass, soft and dewy, tickle the bottoms of my feet as I run my toes through it, enjoying the feel of it against my bare skin, and wispy sheets of rain feather lightly against my exposed flesh; chilling me. But you’re there, lying next to me, and the heat radiating off your body chases away the chill before it has a chance to set in. Your hand rests gently against my belly while you idly circle my naval with the very tips of your fingers, and I sigh at the joy your distracted touch brings me.

My gaze is fixed on the pale moon, who’s soft light is intensified by the millions of glittering stars helping her illuminate the inky sky over head. But I close my eyes to all that brilliant light when I feel your hand begin to wander lower. Remnants of twinkling stars are like silhouettes against my closed lids, and I sigh softly as your hand slips between my thighs, your fingers moving through the satiny folds of my pussy to find me wet and ready. For you. Always you.

I feel your body shift until the warmth of your tummy is resting comfortably against my side, and your other hand brushes over my cheek softly, your fingers stretching up to trace the curve of my eyebrow. Tenderly. Sweetly.

Those magical fingers of yours that are shamelessly teasing the aching flesh between my legs begin to skim lower, and I part my thighs wider in invitation. Your hand curves over me, your palm pressing insistently against my clit while your fingers slide inside me and I arch up into your touch. You press your palm harder against my clit and push my hips back down as your fingers slide deeper inside me, curving in to rub against the soft slippery flesh inside me. Euphoria. I want you. Every part of me is screaming for you.

My eyes flutter open, searching, and there you are above me, the light of the moon dancing unabashedly around you. It’s somewhat ethereal. Brilliant. Beautiful. Your own eyes move over me, watching your fingers as they continue to trace the lines of my face.

The hand between my legs never falters, your fingers never losing their rhythm, your palm never losing it’s tenure. You know what you’re doing to me–mind, body, soul–and you won’t stop until I‘m on the precipice of madness, immersed in pleasure. And I will be, there is no other choice.

My clit is beating a steady tattoo in time with my heart and the friction of your palm against the sensitive flesh there has a fire burning low in my belly. I’m going to come, it’s only a matter of time.

I reach for you, my hands framing your face and pull you down until your mouth is flush with mine. I need you to kiss me. I need to feel your tongue sliding against mine when my body surrenders itself to you. And you do. Your lips press against mine, your tongue parting them to slip inside and tangle with mine. Resplendent.

And it’s there, that soft, sweet pull at the center of my core, it beckons me and I can not deny it. I can not deny you. I look up, our eyes meeting and I can’t help but drown in the beautiful sea of blue that envelops me. I bring my thighs together, closing them around your hand and trap your fingers inside me as I wantonly give myself over to the pleasure you’ve invoked within me.